The Try Guys Test Their Sperm Count

The Try Guys Test Their Sperm Count


– [Eugene] You guys ready? – [All] Three, two, one, go! – Jackoff! Alright, I’m gonna turn this off now so I can pleasure myself in an office. (upbeat, exciting music) – Okay, so, what are we doing today? I don’t know how is best to describe it. – Like, where do we. – When do we touch ourselves? – First of all, it’s all. – Today we’re gonna get
our sperm counts tested. This topic is very important to me because I want to have children. – I’m actually really
interested to find out if my sperm are normal. – This is not something you think about. You’re just like, yeah, my dick works. When we talk about
fertility, we talk about women having to get tested a lot, but not as much about men. Do you think that’s true? – It’s absolutely true, and
it’s absolutely not fair. We don’t really know how
big of a problem this is because a lot of couples
will either give up and not come in, or a lot of guys won’t think that there’s
anything wrong with them. – Every guy is terrified of having a baby, but I feel like, secretly,
we’re more terrified of not being able to have a baby. – I’m nervous. – Don’t be nervous, it’s really easy. You’ve done this at home a thousand times. – More than that. – Basically, you’re going to collect sperm into a cup. – We were planning on making it a race. – [Zach] We’re gonna try and be quickest. – [Keith] Go! – Now to think about my wife. – So I’m in the masterbatorium, about to get fine-gritty. And it couldn’t be weirder. – I don’t, what do I. – [Keith] Yeah, you just
came out, what time was it? – [Zach] 5:07! You’re fast at jerking it. – Trying to figure out the DVD player. It won’t work. – Guys, we did it. 6:54, that’s respectable. How long does it normally take? – Maybe ten minutes is average. – Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. – 12:25. – I took time to wash my hands after. – I think I’m just gonna use my imagi, oh. – Zach’s initially the slowest. – He’s still in there? 16 minutes? – [Voiceover] 37 minutes in. – I’m just worried. – Well, I’m done. That was a disaster. I have some good news: I did it. Bad news is that I missed. – [Eugene] How much
did you get in the cup? – Not, not much. – Where did the rest of it go? – I’d rather not say, Eugene. – Sperm and semen together are analyzed in something called a semen analysis. – We’ll actually take the sample, we’ll put it in the
machine, and it calibrates, reads the semen, gives us a report. – It’s almost fully loaded,
which is a choice term. – A little nervous,
because actually seeing it in numbers on paper is
gonna be really eye-opening. – I’m not feeling very
optimistic right now. – I just hope that I’m okay. I just hope that I’m normal. – [Voiceover] Moment of truth. (upbeat, jazzy music) – The sperm like to be
about two degrees colder than the rest of the body. The heat from a laptop is
enough to cook those sperm. So, anything that can get in the way of sperm cooling is a bad thing. – I’ve been wearing boxers all week, just as preperation. – [Jesse] Boxers are great. – Exercise? – [Jesse] Exercise is wonderful. – I’m o-for-three on that. – And stress is another big one. There’s a lot of toxins
that are bad for sperm. Alcohol, it’s okay. Anything in moderation is probably okay. So, one of the biggest ways
to make your sperm counts go to zero, is taking
supplemental testosterone. Things that are pretty neutral, caffeine, it makes them moto, right? – Smoking. – Smoking, it’s a sign
of stress on the sperm, but it’s not a dealbreaker. – Weed. – We don’t really have
a lot of data on pot. – Perfect. – I think that your sperm are really a good bellwether for how
the rest of your body is. If you have abnormalities with your sperm, then there’s something else going wrong in your life. (dinging) – Let’s talk about the
way one measures sperm. – The quantitative part
is how much volume, or how much liquid comes
out when a man ejaculates. – Point four. – Point four what? – Millileters. – That’s not much. – It’s not. – The highest volume of ejaculate: Ned. Now, Eugene comes in a close scond. – Well, he didn’t win, so
that’s all that matters. – The other quantitative
thing is how many sperm come out in that ejaculation. This is how many million per milliliter. Ned and Eugene both are in the 70 million. 3.4 was your volume, times 73.1, gives you a total sperm
count of 248.6 million. Eugene, 237.6 million per ejaculate. – We’re still competing
on a molecular level. – Zach was at 37.9 million. Keith is extremely high
concentration at 128.1 million. – What? – That’s why I don’t need
all that extra fluid. – He’s really only at about 60 million. – Mistakes were made. – Mistakes were definitely made. – But, it takes one, right? – I wonder what my boys look like. – [Jesse] We just take out a dropper and put it in the special
slide, and we look at it under a microscope. – I bet Keith’s sperm are
really good at wiggling, like. – Zach is gonna have the hairiest sperm. – Eugene’s has the kind of sperm that, like, trips other
sperm on the way to the egg. – My only hope is that Ned has
the strongest, fastest sperm. – Woah, what, what? Yeah! – The qualitative aspects
are the shape of the sperm, which is what we call morphology. – And there’s your sperm. – There they are, look at them! Oh, look at them go, look
at those little idiots. – [Voiceover] That one
has two tails right there. – [Keith] Woah, you’re a freak! – Only 4% of them have to be
considered morphologically normal, which means you’ve
got 96% of your sperm are knuckleheads. Look at those guys. – [Eugene] Wow. – So we’ll focus in,
they are doing a dance. The other qualitative thing
is how fast they’re moving. To get up to an egg, that sperm is running the microscopic equivalent of running from Los Angeles to San Francisco. – Look at those little guys. Oh, they look happy and healthy and fun. – Can we all have kids? – You guys are all armed and dangerous. – Whatever helps destigmatize
any sort of health-related thing for a man is good. If you can’t produce, then what
kind of man are you, right? – That is a huge cross to bare. No, you’re no less of a man. – What you do in real life
is what makes you a man, so, don’t be afraid to check it out. – And it’s better to
know sooner than later, because some of these
things are reversable. – There’s a lot of things
that we don’t even know that we do daily, that
effects out genitals. And our future babies. – Even if they’re gonna have difficulty, we’re gonna find some way
to get that couple pregnant. – There are so many
ways to start a family, even if there is a problem. All that said, my sperm
are ready to have babies. – [Keith] Oh, man, I
would name that one Keith. I would name this one, these two Keith. – [Voiceover] Congratulations. Can we check his balls? – That was actually
great, I had a great time. – [Zach] It was a nightmare. It was the worst masterbation of all time.