Fruit and vegetables. They’re objectively the shittest supermarket aisle. And yet, for some reason, farmers keep growing them. Now the CSIRO is trying to trick Australians into eating more of them with a new survey that shows four out of five Australians aren’t eating enough fruit and veg. That’s right, Healthy Harold’s life work, was for nothing. Nowadays, the only time teenagers interact with a banana is in sex education class when they put a condom on it. But seeing as eating a banana with a condom on it quote “doesn’t feel as good”, thousands of bananas around Australia are now living with HPV. (because they’re trying to buy a f*cking house.) So while women may go home with less money than men for doing the same job, they do go home with more vegetables. Equality. But what can you do to increase your fruit and veg intake? Well, the CSIRO recommends that you eat three serves of different vegetables at dinnertime a challenging task when one vegetable actually identifies as a fruit. Where will this radical left wing plant fluidity end? Is a blueberry going to ‘transition’ into being a pad thai? It’s only a matter of time. But one thing is clear. Scientists are deeply concerned. I smelt over 2,000 samples of urine for this survey. Not one sample had that weird asparagus urine smell. I’m really concerned for our country. For The Feed, I’m Mark Humphries.