The Katering Show S2 – The Body Issue

The Katering Show S2 – The Body Issue


– Hi! I’m Kate McCartney! – And I’m Kate McLennan. – We’re giving ourselves
permission to shine! – Welcome to the Katering Show. – We’re not wearing any makeup. – And we haven’t done our hair. We are so brave. – But because of this
bravery, there are probably some dicknuggets out there thinking, McLennan, you look terrible. – McCartney, you look
like a sack of rat bones. – McLennan, you look like you poured a bucket of old teeth
into your mouth. Why are there so many,
and why are they so big? – Fuck you, McLennan,
you make me sick. – Yes, the voices from the
media, the advertising, and the malaria tablets
are relentless. – There’s so much pressure
to be fit, to be hot, to have thigh gap, to have eye gap, to police your womanly borders like you’re a xenophobic island
nation. – But as self-appointed
women, role models, and the future two halves
of a UK pantomime horse, we reject the body policing,
and we want you to, too. – We want you to have the body
confidence we claim to have. – That’s right, McCartney.
That’s why in this episode we are submitting ourselves to three of the latest
diet torture regimes so you, the The Katering Show audience,
don’t have to, to… Too. That’s right, McCartney! For the next five days,
I’ll be clubbing paleo, you’ll be crushing the raw food diet, and a special guest will
be violating the 5:2. – The body shaming ends here,
with us! – You’re welcome! – (McCartney) First up,
I’ll be making some delicious paleo bone water. The paleo diet
is a modern-day food cult largely undertaken
by activated nutjobs who are sick of having friends. It’s loosely based on the
diet of Stone Age people. So, you know, eating stuff like
fish, nuts, fruits, berries, mammoth meat, Megabears,
saber-fucking-tooth tigers. – Paleo devotees believe that
things really went downhill for humans once we started
farming food. – Mm, if only we could go back! – Oh, I know. I for one, miss having
nonconsensual sex with Neanderthals and being frightened of the weather. – (McClennan) My bone water is done, and it’s looking really… brown. Ok, so now I’m just going
to skim the collagen off the top of my bone water, and then I’m going to pop
it in these ice cube trays. Then I’m going to eat
it throughout the week, because I’m getting paid to do this. – Paleo websites suggest that,
to feel the effects of the diet, you should cut out cereal grains,
dairy and legumes. – But if you really want
to feel the full benefits, they also suggest that
you eliminate stress, exercise daily. – Sleep well! Have fun! – Relax, repair your
relationship with your mum! – Give up ice, don’t have
a family history of depression. – Be white, be rich,
be in the First World. Just simple stuff like that. – Yeah! But cutting out legumes,
that makes all the difference. – (McLennan) And now
it’s time for McCartney to shiv the fuck out
of the raw food diet! – The raw food diet forbids
the cooking of food, because to do so kills the
nutrients and the enzymes, whatever the fuck they are. – I mean, cooking also
kills off all the bacteria, but blood poisoning is
a small price to pay for a diet this bad!
– Mm. On the other hand,
you don’t need an oven, or a stove, so it’s great
if you’ve recently split up with your wife and
you’re living at work. Now it’s time for me to
blitz this IBS nightmare into a raw food juice bowl,
which you drink with two hands, like you’re a humble Tibetan monk and not someone who’s just PayPassed
$95 worth of imported vegetables. (upbeat Latin music) (blender whirs) There we go, food liquid! – It’s like you’re not eating at all! – Yes, I’m gonna look Gulag fresh! But don’t worry –
it’s not all hunger pangs and organ failure, ladies. You’ll never guess
what else is a raw food. Unlike hard liquor,
white wine is fermented. So technically, it’s not cooked –
it’s raw. So there’s the silver lining in this protracted exercise
in self-harm. This is white wine
that I stole from a hospital. Now, raw foodists recommend
limiting your alcohol intake, because to quote their science, when you’re on the raw food diet, you’re lighter in your
body, and in your brain. (wine sloshing) I’ll be ‘right. – Next up in our brave
The Katering Show: Body Issue, we’ll be tackling the 5:2 diet, where you eat literally
whatever you want for five days and then starve yourself on
500 calories for the other two, like you’re preparing
for a colonoscopy. – Or participating
in a novelty famine. – But we are mothers,
and all five of our boobs are being used
to sustain the lives of two very lifelike children,
so we can’t take part. – And nor should any human, which is why we’re getting
my cat Beans to do it. – (McLennan) Because
she’s really fucking fat. – We’ll be checking in on
her over the next five days via this live feed. – (McLennan) McCartney,
I am as against fat-shaming as the next person, but there
is a sadness behind her eyes. – And I’ve not seen her in
a bathing suit for years. – Mm. Wow, she’s really going for it.
– (McCartney) Yes. She’s eating her feelings,
like a lot of us girls do. – We’ll chat to you soon, Beans! Slow down, mate. – Chew. She’s opening her throat up,
isn’t she? Well, Beans has her Bolognese
and diet kibble, I have my juice bowl, and
McLennan has her bone water. How does it taste, McLennan? It tastes a bit boney and a bit death-y!
– Mmm. I actually quite like it,
it reminds me of home. – Oh, that’s nice.
– You? – Mm. Yes, it’s very clean, like my insides are being
toilet-ducked. And to be honest, I thought
holding it like this would turn me into an arsehole,
but so far it hasn’t. – No, it hasn’t. – Mm. – I’m actually quite excited
about this. I’ve never been on a diet. Have you been on a diet? – No, but I have been
on an eating disorder, so it’s the same universe. – Ok, well, let’s give it a go! Cheers!
– Cheers! (upbeat dance music) j& You’re becoming
the best that you can be j& All you need is some positivity j& Every day is a joyous jubilee j& Turn the key
Set yourself free j& You’ve got to love your life j& You’ve got to love your life j& You’ve got to love your life j& You’ve got to love your life j& Leave the heartache behind j& Take a moment to find, j& You can make up your mind
Yeah, yeah j& You’ve got to love your life
Love life j& You’ve got to love your life j& You’ve got to love your life
Love life j& You’ve got to love your life j& You’ve got to love your life… j& – Well, it’s been six days
since we joined the paleo, raw food, and 5:2 death cults, and the diets have
really taken their toll. – I tried to pull my freckles off. – And my mum had to take my baby
to Geelong, just to give me
a little bit of a break. – Clearly McLennan and
I don’t have the mental strength to go on these diets, they’re more suited to those with no internal
thought processes or emotions. – Or Pete Evans. – On that note, Beans has
really flourished on the 5:2. She’s lost weight, her coat is shiny, and her brain cancer is all but gone. – I’m so happy for her.
– Me too! – She’ll put it all back on. (You’ve Got to Love Your Life
resumes)